May 12, 2014 § Leave a comment
I spent Mother’s Day in a state of dread, rushing to get the grocery shopping and weekly cooking done in case we ended up in hospital with Robin. Illnesses are always worse at night, and I spent hours the night before awake, listening to his raspy, laboured breathing. With Robin’s history, I felt almost certain he would need breathing support the following night.
Now on the other side of that night – I am happy to report that hospital was not needed, and I had the chance to face some of my deep fears and release them. This is the real stuff of Motherhood…..
In the past I have always found Mother’s Day to be rather contrived and fake. However as the years roll by, things change. Now I feel like a bit of a party pooper if I don’t get into the spirit. The younger children so obviously delight in the chance to make and give a gift, and it feels nice to get a gruff acknowledgement from the teenager. Yes, it really does feel good to be acknowledged, even if only on this one day, even if this particular year it was a bit of a bust.
And in turn, it is a chance for me to acknowledge my own mother. I could say all the cliched sentiments here, and they would all be true. But I won’t. I will instead highlight the one thing I admire most in my mother, and this is her determination to experience a loving relationship with me no matter what.
I have thrown my Mum some huge curveballs – addiction to marijuana as a teenager, coming out as a lesbian at age 17, travelling alone overseas at age 20, that navel ring, and then turning up with a life partner at her birthday party one year, swiftly followed a few short months later with a baby announcement. Throughout it all she has always sought to understand, to preserve a connection and find some common ground.
I respect that determination. I cherish it. And I hope to take that kind of commitment into my own motherhood journey. With five children, I am sure I will receive some curveballs of my own (so far they take the form of Eminem, graffiti and some unashamed materialism).