September 11, 2013 § Leave a comment
Yesterday I welcomed eleven children and their parents for my final Playgroup day.
I read something recently, it was Kathleen Turner’s autobiography, which discussed choices, and how to make them. Kathleen described how she would delay, and delay some more the making of a decision, until there is only one decision left to make. Of course, that will be the right one!
I was intrigued by this idea, and I must confess, didn’t really understand it at first. I’ve mentioned a little on this blog the turmoil that is currently boiling along in my life. I’ve been sitting with it for quite a few weeks, knowing that things need to change but not knowing how. I was noticing that every Monday evening my breasts would engorge, and I would get lethargic and achy. I’m a mother five times over now, so I know the signs of mastitis as soon as they arise.
And then there was the day itself: holding space and energy for everyone, leading the day, singing, crafting, baking, connecting with the children, and mothers. Cleaning up, setting the toys back to their rightful places ready for the next group. I have been in this role for five years and absolutely loved it.
I could feel my energy being drained, rather than topped up. Or maybe I just haven’t had much energy to give in the first place. Quickly, and all at once I came to know Kathleen Turner’s experience. Once the idea floated to the surface of my mind I knew it was the only choice to make. And so I made it, quickly, decisively and cleanly.
I know I will miss the space, miss the group and especially miss the three other leaders – though of course it is not the end of our friendship. In five years we have built playgroup into a supportive, dynamic community of like minded people. We have changed locations – making that happen was no small feat.
With the struggles I have had with home and family organisation this year, Robin’s illness, and the needs of the other children, I feel completely at peace about giving my all to them for the next little while. I do have one eye on the future however, now that Robin is happy to spend entire days with his grandmothers. An eye to my next challenge outside the home. I’m not in a hurry, but nor am I resisting it (though I do feel a little nervous). Day by day, I am finding a place of trust that all things happen in perfect time.