January 16, 2013 § Leave a comment
On New Year’s Eve, Sol and I did some intentional letting go for 2012. I wrote down what I wanted to let go of, and I burnt it. A lot of hurts had built up, a lot of responsibilities that felt heavy, as well as frustrations I’ve felt lately about my personal limits. I had a lot to let go of.
I believe there metaphysical causes to illness and disease. So when, a few days after my letting go, I woke up with very sore joints and swollen hands and feet, I knew it could not be a coincidence.
Some acupuncture took care of the physical, but I also turned to good old Louise L. Hay:
Swelling: Being stuck in thinking. Clogged, painful ideas.
Joints: Represent changes in direction in life and the ease of these movements.
What are you afraid of losing?
From ‘You Can Heal Your Life’, Louise L. Hay, 1999 ed.
Sometimes the truth is brutal. However the brutal truth can facilitate a shift more quickly than anything else.
I’ve been aware for a while that life felt hard. To organise the family to go out, to get even basic housework done, felt hard. It’s much easier to let one’s internal dialogue get sloppy and negative, rather than supportive and positive – at least it is so for me. My mind has gradually slid into a bit of a hopeless, ‘can’t’ space.
I’ve been undertaking a homeopathic detox this past month, and today finally had an ‘aha’ moment; linking the detox to the rush of emotions that have been overtaking me lately, so much so that I have begun dreaming about being overwhelmed by tidal waves (water represents emotions in the dream life). My intentions on New Years Eve were to let go; it is happening. It feels like a roller coaster ride, but the letting go is happening. All I can do is acknowledge the feelings that arise, and open the door so they can leave!
My hands and joints were back to normal after a few days. I’ve made some changes to my life for this year. I find it is the little things I do each day that truly shape my life, so even the smallest changes have huge impacts. And the emotional tidal waves are receding, gradually. As the fog drifts away I can see how it was just that: fog. Not the real me.