That Elusive Balance

December 28, 2012 § Leave a comment

I’ve lost my equilibrium.

It was there, for a brief while; I was clutching on to it the way one holds a box of air. That is to say that of course it was an illusion.  The very definition of balance implies a state of non-balance.

Soon after I began this blog I hit my stride. No other work, kids at school and commitments dropped, giving me lots of time to think. Feel. Be. I just about managed to put myself first for a little while and it was good.  I got lots of sleep and that was even better. I think half my problems disappeared just by going to bed early.

Then the last week of school hit – presents for teachers, class plays, graduations and me returning to lead the final day of Playgroup. I managed it all, managed somewhat easily even. And oh how I loved being back at Playgroup.

But then it was only one week until Christmas. That was ok, as my shopping was done, and the menu organised…..

Since Robin was born we have had two little return visitors to our bed – Lily and Zara. It was fun for a while, and they obviously benefited from the closeness with us. But their sleep times became later and later. They would be jumping on the bed during the day, my bed, and the room was no longer the quiet and calm parents/baby retreat. Finally, a week before Christmas, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I moved them into their own room. Which had an unrealised flow on effect of having to re-organise every room in the house!

With the Christmas Day deadline looming (we had family coming to ours) my nights became later. Christmas was great, two days of family celebrations both fun and exhausting. It was just a lot of work this year, with the house re-arranging  and hosting and all.

Now I’m tired, exhausted even, and low. Managing two meals a day, managing a broken eight hours sleep because Robin is suddenly restless and hungry at night.  And feeling overwhelmed. I’d promised myself not to create that situation anymore, and then promptly gone and done it.

So tonight, to bed before ten pm. Tomorrow, to the park with kids for some exercise. Three meals, vitamins. Hopefully some good sleep. Hopefully a way back to balance.

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